Being a television news journalist can be incredibly daunting. Constantly being subjected to covering deaths of various natures (e.g., fires, shootings, drownings) and interviewing people on what is typically one of the hardest days of their life takes a toll over time. Please know I have no illusions about the fact that there are many other stress-filled careers that eclipse journalism in regard to pressures. With that said, my career path is paved with its own stresses.

A story I’m currently covering in depth is about a woman accused of murdering two of her adopted children. The alleged crime alone is horrific and I’ll spare you the details here, but just know the way a young boy and girl are believed to have died haunted me after hearing police reveal what happened to them. I stay with that story because it’s not over and a trial has yet to be held. A colleague of mine and I have teamed up to work on a bigger story regarding this and that’s what’s driven much of my passion at work; providing answers to people who deserve them.

The doom and gloom I’ve had to cover is why I stopped avoiding the necessary act of going to therapy. With the pressures of work, life outside work, and general existence, getting therapy has already given me some tools to cope with the pressures of my life. The last time I received therapy was roughly two years ago; however, the therapist and I didn’t vibe well and I just avoided finding someone. After two sessions with my current therapist, I feel as though she’s interested in providing helpful feedback before the typical three visits before treatment that I’d previously experienced.

As for why I avoided therapy: fear. Having to address the things that wear you down can, itself, wear you down. I came up with every excuse in the book for why I didn’t look for a therapist. In addition to increasing my dosage of anxiety medication, and praying to God in a steadfast manner, therapy has helped me to reduce my level of worry and to unpack the things I can and can’t control. I’m the type of person who desperately wants to be in utter control of my life; however, that’s not the strategy that’s going to give me the growth that I need as a human. I need to understand there are some things I can control and many other things I can’t, and that’s okay. I often want to provide as much help as I can to the various people who call my work phone and request me to cover their stories, but that’s unrealistic; I can’t tell every story out there. That used to bother me greatly because I felt as though I wasn’t working hard enough to tell the stories that mean the most to the community.

This is why I worry about telling the stories I can tell. People deserve answers, certainly, but I’ve tried to remember that I’m just one person. I can’t do all the things. So instead, I’ll do the things I can handle and learn to let go of the things I can’t.

Seeing a therapist also helps me avoid throwing all my woes at Kristie. Don’t get me wrong, she’s an incredibly important part of my life, but she’s not equipped to handle some of the distressing subject matter I need to talk about. Having a neutral third-party individual examine my situations and provide helpful feedback and suggestions for handling them removes the burdening Kristie with the same things that stress me out. Truly, I’m already seeing a noticeable difference in my approach to addressing a heavy workload in life.

In any case, I understand therapy is not cheap and that not everyone can afford it. If you’re interested in seeking help, see if your employer provides any Employee Assistance Programs (EAP). Years ago, one of my previous employers paid for 5 therapy sessions through an EAP during an very dark period in my life. If you find that you’re in a dark period of your life as I once was and need help when thoughts of suicidal ideation plague your mind, remember you can always call 988 to seek help through the Suicide & Crisis Hotline. It’s okay to not be okay, but know there is help available.